Then Jesus told them plainly,"Lazarus has died and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But now let us go to him." John 11:14....We all know the end to this story. Lazarus was dead but Jesus came and resurrected him from the grave.
Saturday afternoon the Lord Jesus also brought me back from the "grave". I am talking about the grave of depression, despair, hopelessness, sickness, and fear. Since 1999 my health has been in a downhill spiral leading to surgeries, loss of all pituitary hormones and infection. God has been with me through this whole time. You can truly never understand the effects of chronic illness in others until you have experienced it yourself. My heart has been broken for the sick and a new kind of compassion and empathy has taken a new place in my soul. Since 2001, my illness has been at its peak and I have faced many valleys and some hills.
When God called us to San Diego last year, I thought it was the craziest thing in the world. How could He ask me to leave the very people I loved and the support that surrounded our family. All I know is that He did and I obeyed even though it totally went against my logical thinking. After we arrived in July of last summer, I did have peace in my heart that we did the right thing, this was now home to me. I was excited and expectant to see what the Lord was going to do. However, as Jim connected with people and amazing things began to happen in the ministry, my health began to fail even more. It was as if the more God blessed and made Himself known by working through Jim, the sicker and sicker I became. This led to isolation from even the few people I knew to the point to where I was closed up in my room and unable to even be surrounded by my children and husband.
I had gotten the flu before Thanksgiving and since then I have battled with infection after infection. I really thought I was going to lose my mind! In late January, I came across a Pituitary Specialist in LA that was helping some of the most difficult pituitary cases. I contacted him and got an appointment immediately. After 3 days in LA and test after test, the conclusions came back worse than ever. I had lost more function of my pituitary, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that attacks the stomach, I had become insulin resistant and had deficiencies of so many other things. I was somewhat relieved to know that what my body was going through was real and that it just wasn't in my head. Dr. Friedman immediately changed my whole hormone replacement regimen and added even more drugs and supplements to my already long list. I began treatment but got another infection from the kids. He said I would have to literally quarantine myself from them if my immune system was ever going to recover. This was so painful and led to even more isolation and despair. For the first time since the beginning of my sickness, I had seemed to of lost all hope and faith. I knew God loved me and cared for me but I just couldn't feel His presence in my life anymore. It seemed that darkness was all around me.
So, when my friend who is also a Harbor Pastor's Wife called me and told me that some sweet ladies from Alabama were in town and wanted to come and pray over me, I kinda shrugged it off. Many people have prayed over me and FOR me countless times and God had chosen not to heal me. Little did I know that the time had come and He was ready to reveal His Glory.
Saturday afternoon they entered our home and we sat and talked for a while. After hearing my story they felt it was time to pray. I can't explain in words what happened to me that day but the supernatural power of God began to pour down from heaven. The depression, darkness, fear, isolation, hopelessness and despair began to be driven from my soul and the Holy Spirit replaced it with such a peace and joy that blew me away. Jesus had come and set me free!!! I began to laugh so hard and sing praises to Him, singing, "Hallelujah, He has found me whom my soul so long has craved, Jesus satisfies my longings, through His blood I now am SAVED!" The darkness was gone and I was made new. The enemy of my soul had been driven out and his oppression and lies were gone! I now know that the darkness and sickness was an attack on me from Satan himself.
I truly believe the Lord has healed me. We went out to dinner Saturday night as a family to celebrate God's healing on my life. You have to know that I have not been out of the bed for months more less going out to dinner! On the ride home, Faith proclaimed to us that "Jesus has healed Mommy." I have had so much energy and it is like I was never sick! Last week I was so desperate that I called my folks and begged them to come out here this week to help the family. They quickly came with wanting to care for us. They arrived last night and I picked them up from the airport. I had just come from going on a date with my husband and then going to a Bible study. Their coming to help us in our time of need has turned into a time of celebration and vacation for them and me!
I want to praise the Lord Jesus, the King of my soul and ruler of all creation. He did not leave me nor abandon me in my time of trouble but rather He came and showed His great love and compassion through His incredible mercy and power. I am completely humbled to have received such a blessing that I do not deserve. Rather, I deserve death, but He has given me life. I don't know if my pituitary is completely healed. Only the test results will show that. What I do know to be true is that the Great Physician has healed my spirit and whatever life may bring, I can face it and know that God is with me.
As Jim introduces me to our friends and family he says, "I would like for you all to meet my wife, "Lazarus." So many of you may ask just like I am, why did God do this? "Jesus answered, This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it." John 11:4 This touch of God is not about me but all about God's glory. I love my Jesus so much! My prayer for you is that you be encouraged and empowered to know that God still performs miracles, that He still sets the captive free and His power and majesty is REAL! Praise be to the KING OF GLORY!
Every morning Jim pokes me to see if I am still breathing and when he realizes I am, he then whispers, "Are you feeling OK?" Yes, I am feeling great and still cannot believe the radical change in my life. I feel like I am living a dream and soon I am going to wake up. But the reality is that this is not a dream and God in His glorious power and mercy has made me well. I want to thank ALL of you who have faithfully prayed over the years for me. God heard your prayers and had compassion on me. I am going to have blood work done this week and I am interested to see the results. My doctor called wanting to get me started in the Pituitary study at UCLA and I hope that my results show that I am not the patient for the job.
